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"The Unabridged MD-DC History"

10.31.2003 // 11:02 am

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I know I don't really keep my journal in any sort of really organized fashion. I just write what i feel. And that makes it hard for folks to follow sometimes. So, I decided to put all the DC related entries together so yall can understand how this progressed from the very beginning....

I used to call him Al and we really did start out as just friends, but it became pretty obvious that that arrangement would not last very long. There was an immediate chemistry and no matter how I tried to fight what I was feeling, I knew in the end I would lose. The idea of holding out was just as painful as the idea of giving in though. It was a struggle for us . So I dealt with it as best I could. We both did. They say there's a thin line though, and pretty soon we began to turn on each other. Then the inevitable happened. I didn't know it, but that would change everything.

Then Valentine's Day rolled around. It was incredible. It took four whole entries to get it all down. But, the euphoria didn't last. I didn't understand what was happening. All I knew was that I had no control over it. I didn't feel safe with him, but without him I felt totally lost too. I knew he didn't deserve what I was willing to give, but I couldn't just let it go. He was able to though... without a problem. That shook me. I began to see him differently.

I know from the outside looking in, this all seems totally toxic, irrational, and abusive. Hell, it seems that way from the inside too. Yet we kept making attempts to save the, so-called, friendship. Eventually, I met someone else. He had some issues too, but he was a totally different breed than DC. He was real upfront with his. I knew it would be temporary. I was able to deal with it. DC, on the other hand, acts one way but then flips the script with no warning. DC is just incredibly complicated. I guess I can be too. That's why I'm having such a hard time letting him go.

Eventually this entry will be a permanent link on the page. But for now, here ya go.

One love y'all.

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