... aaahh damn
07.17.2003 // 2:52 pm
K... so I was tellin yall bout Cali, ri?
So, he told me he was married and that he was happy and I was on his team as far as that was concerned. We did end up sleeping together though. I told yall bout that already. He kinda wierded me out at first cuz he kept chanting over and over again, "I can't have an affair. I can't have an affair." I never told him that's what i wanted either, so I'm thinkin we straight... we have an understandin, ri?
We stayed close and stuff for the rest of his stay here, but when he was leaving dude is gonna look at me and tell me he has sumthin to tell me. So now I'm all curious and shit, like "wtf??" He goes, "Yeah...uh...don't call me, okay?"
Yeah. My fuckin jaw dropped too. I'm thinkin, we already been over what you say you want... what you say you don't want... why come out ya face like that? Especialy after you volunteered ALL your numbers, wifey's name, kids names, where you work... I mean c'mon, now! I coulda staright spazzed on dude and pulled some ole Thin Line shit. How's he supposed to know how I'm gonna handle some shit like that??
He then goes on to say, "For real, I'm not the nicca to be buyin cards and gifts and shit. This here was just about two consentin adults gettin their needs met." Oh my damn. So I'm feelin like shit right about now.
I call up my friend Kool and ask him, "What am I missing here? Why would he treat me like a straight trick?" Kool pulls no punches. He goes, "Cuz you acted like one. That don't make you one, but if you act the part, just know that niccas WILL treat you accordingly."
Well gotdayum... don't hold back or nuffin. LMAO!
So I decided to chalk that up to experience and just keep it movin when all of a sudden dude contacts me. Apparently, before he went home, he erased every trace of me. Got rid of my numbers and shit. Then he IMs me and wants my math again. So now I'm confused as shit. I got flowers sent to my job... I'm like what's this about? And then this nicca calls me up and acts like he wants to start... that's right... AN AFFAIR.
I'm havin DC flashbacks and shit and dude is on the phone contradictin himself left and right. Apparently he missed/misses me. Again, he went into intimate details about his marriage. But this time around, he told me about the things that aren't working for him. To be honest, they aren't anything that couldn't be worked on if they were both willing to try, but i guess that's a really big "if".
Anyway, he's reinserted himself into my cypher. I wrote before bout how he was comin back in a month. But after the lack of finesse with which he handled his boundary issues at the end of this visit, I had just about resigned myself to keeping him at a distance. And I told him that. He seemed cool with it. His words were, "It was an experience I'll always remember. Even if it doesn't ever happen again I don't regret anything we did. We made each other feel good. That's all that really matters."
That sounds like closure to me. I'm not supposed to call you when you get back to Cali. You ain't supposed to call me when you come back here. Sounds like a plan.
Dude done thrown a monkey wrench in the whole thing because he wants to be "friends". He wants to call at work during the day... and send emails on the weekends. He wants to have a freakin affair man!
I really am not clear on how this situation even came to be. It all seemed very clear cut at one point and now...
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