... is that right?

07.21.2003 // 3:01 pm


"So it's possible he'll get another chance with you but I won't... Is that right? ... That IS what you're sayin, right? RIGHT??"

There in lies the reason DC and I will never be able to be just friends... not really. He tries to play this buddy roll wit me... tellin me bout his lil hump sessions and shit and I'm supposed to be cool wit it, ri? But godfabid I should mention this situation with Cali to him! He acted like a friend for a hot minute, but flipped on me real quick when that topic came up. Dang. I shoulda known.

First of all, when I try and talk to DC about stuff like that, I can't just gloss over anything and then just cut to the chase. No. He wants to ask all kindsa questions and shit. Most of the time I answer in a pretty diplomatic way; always trying to spare his ego. Lawd only knows why I bother. It's not like he does that for me. But... whatever. I don't know why he does it though. All it's gonna do is make him wanna ask me more questions. Common sense should tell him eventually he's gonna hear something he doesn't want to, ri?

So this weekend, we were on the phone like all day Saturday. Just chillin. Doin the "platonic friend" thing. It was kinda nice actually. Then, just outta the blue, he goes, "So exactly how is it that you ended up sleepin wit dude??" That shit caught me totally off guard. All of a sudden I'm offerin explanations and shit. Eventually I come to my senses though and tell him that sometimes shit just happens and that's all there really is to it. He seemed okay with that until I mentioned that dude is comin back next week and that I might have a situation. At first he acted like it was okay. But then he brings up the fact that I told him I would never sleep with him again... like it's not "fair" or some shit. (I'm not sure if I wrote about that convo... but yeah... I told DC that I've decided it's not gonna ever happen again... He wasn't impressed.)

After that convo, I think that in the back of his mind, he felt like as long as I wasn't humpin anybody else, he could still get with me regardless of what my mouth said. He knows how I felt/feel about him. I guess for him that was a sense of security.

But then along comes Cali. Clearly a bad decision from day one, but an intimate partner nonetheless. And now I have the nerve to be conflicted over this nicca?? Maybe if the situation was more cut and dry, it would have been okay. But the last man DC seen me struggle with was himself, so I'm pretty sure he didn't see this coming.

"So it's possible he'll get another chance with you but I won't... Is that right? ... That IS what you're sayin, right? RIGHT??"

Yo, I'm never gonna hear the end of this one.

I know it... I just know it.


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