... headed for trouble

2002-11-11 // 7:13 p.m.


At this point, I talk to Al every single day... all day. I feel like we've been knowing each other for the longest.

We laugh at the same corny jokes...

We finish each other's sentences...

He's the first person I've known (not including my best friend ) who can whoop my ass at "Old Skool Hip Hop Name That Tune"...

His birthday is even the day before mine...

Our tastes are extremely similar. Infact, the only issue on which we don't seem to see eye to eye is the nature of this friendship.

Now, we all know Karma can be a bitch. And as it stands right now, I got enough man issues to know better than to go tempting Sista Fate just so she can pay my ass back when I get a husband by having him step out on me. Translation: hands off... On that, I am VERY clear.

But, I'm still stuck. I'm keeping him at arm's length. For me, that's my only option. But at the same time, I'm WAY more into the idea of him coming to NYC than I outta be. That makes me really uncomfortable.

Nothing's going to happen when he comes here. Just like nothing's really happening when he calls me. But, the longer I know him, the more I feel there's gotta be something more to this --- something wrong with this.

I mean, if it was all good, he wouldn't have to call me on his cell phone from down in his basement...

or while he's driving his car...

or when he's parked outside before he goes in his house...

He wouldn't have to act like he was doing something grimey and I wouldn't co-sign that shit.

He calls me "homey". He jokes around. But it's not always like that. Sometimes he gets real. What's funny is that those are the times when I feel like I really shouldn't be talking to him. It's the times he shares the history of his relationship or childhood memories or listens to me rant about my job, my ex or my butt that I feel really, really sheisty... like i'm stealing or something.

I'm headed for trouble.

I'm not going willingly... but I'm on that road nonetheless.



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