... sugar cane
10.20.2003 // 9:17 am
I just started reading The Women of Brewster Place for the first time ever. I watched that little mini series Oprah did years ago, but I never bothered to read the book. I'm only on page 28, but already I'm seeing metaphors for my own experiences in the subtext.
"You see...eating sugar cane is like living life. You gotta know when to stop chewing---when to stop trying to wrench every last bit of sweetness out of a wedge---or you find yourself with a jawful of coarse straw that irritates your gums and the roof of your mouth"
I still speak to DC.I don't even know why at this point. I question myself about it daily... sometimes several times a day. Believe me no one is more shocked than I am that I still can't seem to put this behind me. This was a bad idea to begin with and almost everything that's happened so far has been a reminder of that fact. I've been on the cusp of totally walking away so many times. But even then, something always draws me back to this situation.
There are things we've experienced together that no one, but the two of us, will ever know... like the reason I'll always call him "Sweetness". Then there are other things... things that remind me that even though its been over a year, we will always be, by his design, strangers. I can't even see us becoming ememies simply because the passion required isn't there... just this fucked up distance that's entirely appropriate, but painful as shit nonetheless.
The time to "stop chewing" came and went a long time ago but I still feel the need to keep him around. I'm gonna be so happy when I finally understand all of this.
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