... dag... i can't believe we had sex

05.07.2003 // 10:55 am


Well... We finally had "it"... the conversation about what happened when he was out here. (I never bothered to post all the details. I'm sure I will eventually, but not now.) I didn't bother trying to get him to concede or admit to anything. We both know what the real issue was/is. He still loves his wife. She treats him horribly but there's still so much love there. I think I could deal with it better if he was being honest about his feelings.

I see dozens of women who are abused in every conceivable way by their partners and still insist they love them. So the concept is not a foreign one to me. What is foreign is my attachmnet to someone who can not do a damn thing for me in any way, shape or form. I haven't grown spiritually or intellectually since having met him last year. Financially I'm just as broke as I ever was. So what's the problem? I'm the same person now as I was then. So, why can't I just forget about dude and move on? There's no rule saying I have to be a supportive friend to anyone... especially someone who's gone out of his way to put up walls between the to of us... that is unless he needs a shoulder to cry on. In that case, there are no walls. He knows he can come to me with anything and he does... and I let him.

He was in the Army. He got out last year, but he still wears his dogtags on a chain around his neck. Back in February, he had his wedding band on there too. This time around...

You'd think that would send off some kinda signal for me to turn tail and get outta there, right? Wrong. I stayed. He started today's conversation with...

DC: dag
DC: i cant believe we had sex

yeah... me neither.

xxoxo... macdiva


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