... I'm going down

2003-01-09 // 9:56 a.m.


It's happening again.

The fear...

the anger...

the self-doubt...

the confusion...

the emptiness...

the inability to focus on anything but him.

I've lost myself in a "him" before.
Several times, infact.
So, at this point, I know the signs (and the sensations) quite intimately.

I feel every part of me. It's like being in a state of hyperconsciousness --- a sort of acute awareness of everything around you...

and inside you.

It's like I'm just as sensitive to the numbness as I am to the pain.

It's stressful.
It's a heavy load to bear.
I don't know if the weight of it all is helping gravity to bring me down or if its just inertia capitalizing on a too-big body already in motion.
It doesn't really matter.

F*ck the physics behind it.

The point is I'm goin down.


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