... creepy bitch

05.19.2004 // 5:34 pm


Well, it’s official. I’m crazy. No really. I just got out of supervision and apparently my supervisor seems to believe I have some sort of dissociative disorder. She asked me how I was doing and I said, “I’m doing.”

Apparently that was the wrong answer because then ole girl starts making all these inquires into my mental and emotional wellbeing. Her exact words to me were, “You know, sometimes I look at you and I think, ‘Yeah. She's gone. She’s not here.’ ”

LMFAO!!! All I could do was sit there. She then went on to say, “Even sometimes when I’m talking to you. I can just tell you’re not here.”

What kinda fuckin comeback can you say to that? Eventually I ended up admitting that I have been spending a whole lot more time in my own head lately. I didn't go into any details about DC or my weight or anything. It didn't matter though. I must have given her some sort of non-verbal indication that I wasn’t too comfortable having the conversation because she started to back off, “I really don’t like to get into other people’s business you know. But if I notice something’s off, I’m going to say something.”

Again, I just sat there lookin her. What the fuck could I say? “Why yes. You’re correct. I am dissociating. I do so on a regular basis since I’m absolutely miserable in this job, this body and this pitiable life. And, in all honesty, if it weren’t for the social and financial implications I’d much rather sit on my ass all day watching bad daytime television, gaining weight and collecting public assistance until I drop dead from the torture of such a pathetic life... but thanks for asking.”

Like I said before, these days, I just try to stay under the radar. I do what I gotta do and then git the fuck out. Apparently I haven’t been doing a very good job if this chick can tell me she been noticing this for a while now. I'll be the first to admit that I've been carrying around alot of pain for a long time and that of late it's just been getting harder to deal with. DC was only one of a number of people I purged form my life. The decision was a good one, but there are still alot of empty spaces that I don't know how to fill yet. Those are the kinda things I think about when the things around me no longer hold my interest. But honestly, I didn't think it was that obvious. The fact that she brought that shit up in supervision really fucked with me, yo.

A while ago, I asked her if she could recommend a good therapist to me. I was real general in my inquiry, but she just kept asking me, “Are you depressed? I think you may be depressed.”

WTF? I never told you shit bout my life. How you just gonna diagnose my ass like that?? This shit makes me regret even askin her that shit, now. She claims to be very “in tune” with people in that way. That’s good. Cuz that means she’s in tune with the fact that I ain’t feelin her ass no more... creepy bitch.


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