May 14th of 08
11.29.2008 // 7:22 pm
Conversations are so strained now. He has totally checked out. He calls, but the few times he has it seems to have been out of obligation or maybe desperation. I totally believe he was as into me as he claimed to have been. But this last blip on the radar did some damage. I can try and pretend it didn't, but I'd be lying to myself. He's gonna walk away from this thing and I am just waiting for it to happen. I know one thing. This situation has been life changing for me. I'm going to be making MAJOR changes when this is over. I wasn't sure before, but I know now that the timing is right.
We kinda sorta spoke tonight. He called for a few minutes and then the call dropped... or so I'm supposed to believe. No call back. I rang the phone 90 min later and the shyte rang so basically he didn't se fit to call me back. He's off tomorrow. I asked what he was doing and all he said was "laundry". I didn't ask if he was comin to see me. I don't even wanna put myself out there like that.
Coal hasn't been to work in 3 days. I want to call but I don't want to call. Fuck it. I'm not calling. We not cool like that no more anyway. I'm not cool with NOBODY like that, really. TJ was my nicca. Now he just some dude. *Sigh*
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