... 143

2003-01-15 // 9:30 a.m.


okay... so how did this happen?

Y'all know 143 is the beeper code for "I Love You", right? (well if ya don't know know ya know) Anyway, me and DC txtmsg each other that code on the regular. Saturday night he blew up my joint! It was cute. By Sunday, though, he was all on the low... not returnin my txtmsgs... iggin me on the IM. So I'm like, "what the f*ck???"

So yesterday, now, we chat briefly about my weekend. I spent the better part of it w/ Mr. Ex. I knew DC wasn't feelin the idea, but seeing as he has a "SITUATION" there wasn't really much he could say about the whole thing, now was there?

The weekend didn't go very well. I did miss DC like crazeeee. But when he asked how things went w/ Mr. Ex, I told him the truth...

I slept over, but nothing happened. The only reason I stayed was because it was too late for dude to drive me all the way back to Brooklyn and since people been getting slashed in the trains out here, I wasn't tryin to ride home alone in the wee hours of the morning. Of course, after we woke up, he tried to talk about us giving it another go and shit, but I shut it down. He got mad and we ended up getting into a huge fight.

I was looking for support. He told me I probably came across as a tease even though nothing happened. I sent a mixed signal, he said. Not what I wanted to hear, but I could see his point...sorta. I became introspective and ended up telling him that I think what I need to do is to start taking more responsibility for the shit that happens to me and stop trying to figure shit out in hindsight all the damn time. I need to stop trusting people so quickly and take the time to figure out what people's motives are before I give them my time and attention.... and especially my heart.

Well, for some reason, he must have taken offense because he didn't say jack shit to me after that. He igged me for the rest of the day and at qittin time, just logged off. I'm not gon' lie. My feelins were hurt for a minute, but I'm on some ole' silver linin tip now. SO, the way I figure, if he's gon' be overly sensitive about something like that, that's his issue. How can we have a real "friendship" if I have to walk on eggshells everytime we have a heart to heart. That defeats the whole purpose.

Know what?

I think I miss him less today.


P.S. 143 loses its cuteness if you only use it to sabotage my evening. Cock Blockers are wack.


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