... borderline personality disorder
04.10.2003 // 2:37 pm
So I go online trying to find... I dunno. I felt empty and isolated... and eventually, I found myself doing searches for words like "depression" ... "self-destructive behavior" ... "co-dependent relationships" "low self-esteem" "fear of abandonment" and well... apparently once these feelings, emotions and behaviors all begin to manifest themselves in a person all at once, there's an actual name for it...
The major symptoms of this disorder revolve around instable relationships, poor or negative sense of self, inconsistent moods, and significant impulsivity. There is an intense fear of abandonment with this disorder that interferes with many aspects if the individual's life. This fear often acts as a self-fulfilling prophecy as they cling to others, are very needy, feel helpless, and become overly involved and immediately attached. When the fear of abandonment becomes overwhelming, they will often push others out of their life as if trying to avoid getting rejected. The cycle most often continues as the individual will then try everything to get people back in his or her life and once again becomes clingy, needy, and helpless.
I guess an actual clinical diagnosis for the fucked-up-ness of my life should be seen as a good thing, no?
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