... your services are no longer needed
12.22.2003 // 10:41 am
I'm halfway through the "your services are no longer needed" speech I plan on giving DC. I wrote it about 30 times (literally) this weekend, but it's not quite right. I feel kinda lame about having to write down everything that needs to be said, but I don't want to leave any loop holes for myself (or for him). I can't let myself get stroked into staying in contact with him. We tried the "just friends" thing and clearly, I'm way too intense to be able to handle that. That and the fact that he keeps giving me mixed messages really does make me feel like this is going to drive me crazy/crazier if I don't dead it soon.
He's begun logging off without saying shit to me again. He did it on Thursday, and I finally said something. I sent this in an offline message right after he hung up on me.
You know what... I really need to know something. Why do you do that shit? Just log off without sayin anything. Its not new, either. I remember when you started doing it. It's always bugged me and it still does. I find it incredibly disrespectful and rude and I don't like it. I wouldn't do that to you, so don't do it to me if you can help it... which I know you can!
Friday was the office party, so I didn't log on at all. He sent a message to my phone:
so i just be rollin out on you huh man
That's it. No apology. No "I won't do it again". Nuthin. I didn't answer. I just started preparin to cut him off for good.
We didn't speak at all on Saturday, but, at 5:00 am Sunday morning he left me a voicemail message. My cell was off, so I got it around 8:30. It started with him wanting to know why my phone was turned off. (Step 1 in this process... stop being so fucking available to him all the damn time!) He was drunk as hell. He was ranting about how he went with his cousin to some gogo or go-go (I ain't from DC, so I'm not sure...whatever). So they went to this thing and apparently all the girls there were interested in younger guys. So now he's telling me "That's it... I'm hangin up the player hat... handin in my player card... no more clubs... just espn zone, dave and busters, simple shit like that." (His wife should be happy to hear that, no?) Then he asks whether or not I can tell he's under the influence of something. He ends by saying, "Let me just end by saying this...(big ass pause)...um I forgot. I'll tell you tomorrow."
We didn't talk at all on Sunday. But I did reply to his voicemail message and then foward it back to him so he could hear what an idiot he sounded like on the damn phone.
Nothing else much happened since. I did start my Christmas shopping today. (note: never start your christmas shopping 3 days before the big day. you take your life into your own hands if you do.)
That's it. Later.
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