11.21.2006 // 5:42 am
I woke up and for a split second I forgot anout last night entirely. It's not uncommon for me to wake up and have Coal be the first thing I think about. So when I woke up this morning I thought of him and smiled and then immediately remembered last night.
9 pm...The Call...
Coal: What's the matter???
Macdiva: ...what? (In the quietest little voice you ever heard)
Coal: I just got ya text. You wanna take a break?
Macdiva: oh... yeah.
Coal: You mean from you??
Coal: Nah. Why would I want that? What... you wanna take a break from me??
Macdiva: ......um... I think so... yeah.
Coal: What brought this on?
Macdiva: I just have alot goin on right now and I just can't handle this right now.
Coal: Aight I hear you.
Macdiva: ...what do you hear?
Coal: You got alot goin on in ya life right now and you can't deal with this thing we got right now. I hear you. I respect ya decision. I definitely hear you, Mac.
Coal: I respect ya decision. I really do... It's not what I want... I wouldn't have... you know. But you know my door's always open... I mean... I'm here for you a'right? If you wanna call or talk, I'm gonna always be ya friend...
Coal: You hear me?
Coal: My door is always open, okay?
Macdiva: ... okay.
Coal: I still have love for you.
That's the closest he's ever come to making it seem like he actually felt something for me. But I'm from the hood so I know I have love for you and that "other thing" are very different sentiments.
Coal: Well, I'm not gonna talk you to death. I just called cuz my battery died and I had my phone plugged in downstairs. I just got ya text... so I called you back. I'm getting some food. You have a good night okay?
Coal: ... good night Mac.
Macdiva: ... night.
I know he didn't hear me crying because I was really really careful. I moved the phone and literally covered my mouth with my hand so not one sound would come out... He definitely knows I'm hurting though. Damn.
Coal: Damn :-(
Macdiva: please don't think this is about me not wanting you. nothing could be further from the truth. i just can't do this right now. i still have love for you too.
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