...still... no words...
03.24.2003 // 9:34 am
I never bothered to address what was said on Wednesday. What would have been the point? We didn't speak at all until Sunday. Actually, we didn't speak then either. I've stopped taking his calls. He ended up leaving a message on my voicemail babbling something about a car accident or something. I still didn't speak to him though.
He gave me the details this mornin....
dc (9:11:32 AM): sup sunshine
md (9:11:50 AM): what happened this weekend?
dc (9:12:24 AM): wifey said she was goin to the store
dc (9:12:33 AM): [daughter] cryin that she wants to go with her
dc (9:12:38 AM): she tells her no
dc (9:12:57 AM): so 2.5hrs later i get a call sayin she had just been in an accident
dc (9:13:08 AM): so i'm like are you ok blah blah blah
dc (9:13:19 AM): she's like yeah but her car is cracked up
dc (9:13:29 AM): so i'm like where are you
dc (9:13:45 AM): she ignored the ?
dc (9:13:51 AM): so i ended up askin like 3 times
dc (9:14:00 AM): then she said she was such and such
dc (9:14:02 AM): and i'm like
dc (9:14:04 AM): what's over there
dc (9:14:14 AM): she said she was on her way back from her friends house
dc (9:14:34 AM): and i'm like i thought you was goin to the store
dc (9:14:42 AM): she said she called her so she just went over there
dc (9:14:51 AM): never made it to the store
dc (9:15:02 AM): so then she says
dc (9:15:15 AM): when she had the accident the girl was on the phone with her
dc (9:15:20 AM): i'm like damn
dc (9:15:26 AM): you spent 2hrs over there
dc (9:15:33 AM): and called her as soon as you left?
dc (9:15:50 AM): but she always cryin she don't have any cell phone minutes
dc (9:16:16 AM): so she didn't need me to come get her or anything cuz the chic was already on her way
dc (9:16:45 AM): so now she doesn't have a car
dc (9:17:03 AM): but you know i think she was up to no good
dc (9:17:25 AM): she was in the bathroom when i decided to talk to her
dc (9:17:40 AM): so i'm askin how she feelin and all this
dc (9:17:48 AM): *while she's on the toilet*
dc (9:18:04 AM): so i notice that her panties are wet
dc (9:18:37 AM): now i been livin with this chic for some years
dc (9:18:59 AM): i know the dif between sweat and booty juice
dc (9:19:20 AM): her panties had booty juice in them
dc (9:19:55 AM): she says she always has secretions
dc (9:20:23 AM): so i'm like if that's the case how come you're not always wearin panty liners?
dc (9:20:48 AM): just like that night she didn't come home
dc (9:21:07 AM): i know what sex smells like
dc (9:21:30 AM): she had that smell but tried to say that she just didn't bathe
dc (9:21:46 AM): i'm like how stupid do i look man
dc (9:23:30 AM): the painful thing is i was really tryin this time
dc (9:23:48 AM): and now to know that she is havin sex
dc (9:23:50 AM): i'm like damn
dc (9:24:00 AM): i'm doin all the right things
dc (9:24:03 AM): and she fuckin up
dc (9:24:06 AM): but it's cool
dc (9:24:15 AM): we'll just be fuckin around together
dc (9:24:26 AM): this is why i can't trust women
Okay... You know what? Right about now, I really am trying to figure out how the hell I found myself in this situation. I mean it's not like I hate myself... at least... not enough to want to inflict this kind of emotional abuse on myself. So what the f@#%? I know what I want. I know how to go about getting it. (Start with the goal and work backwards from there) Clearly, all this extra sh*t doesn't even begin to fall in line with anything I want or can dream for my forseable future. I need good people around me. And, honestly, with each passing day, I start to feel more and more like he is not, nor has he ever been my friend much less a bestfriend. I'm a constant support for him but I don't I get that sh*t back... not really. Actually, quite the opposite... at this point, he hurts me daily. Things are nothing like they were before. So what da f@#%!? Why can't I just leave this nicca alone? I honestly feel like I have no control over my own damn emotions anymore. I want to not care, but I can't... and it's f@$%in killin me. I'm goin backwards, man.
...still... no words.
P.S. His job is sending him back to NYC on business next month. He'll be here from April 6th through the 12th... I don't want him here.
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