.

.

... still in love

10.23.2003 // 3:33 pm

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DC is on vacation for 10 days and I think I'm going through fuckin withdrawl or something. I'm miserable. He is on my mind 24/7 and its really startin to trip me out. I been fallin asleep with him on the brain... day dreamin bout his ass all the time. I don't even know how it's possible for me to backslide so much so damn quickly. Actually, I shouldn't be too surprised. How many diets have I been on now??

It's not like there haven't been other guys lately. In fact, there's someone whose actually caught my interest, but, invariably, I find myself comparin dude to DC. I'm not looking for feedback or advice or anything, because its not like I've acted on my feelings. And while that may only be because he lives 200 miles away, I'm still gonna claim that small victory for myself.

Here's what I know for sure:

1. He's bad news. Always has been. Always will be.

2. I deserve so much more than he's able (or willing) to give.

3. The longer he rents space in my head and my heart the longer its gonna take for me to get my shit together.

4. Writing about this crap helps get it outta me. I feel better then.

5. Seeing it in black and white (or in this case pink and purple) makes the absurdity of it all so explicit. Feeling this way after all this time is crazy. I feel embarassed and ashamed.

6. There is a very real possibility that I may not just have separation issues. In fact, it is entirely possible that I am still in love with DC. That terrifies me.

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