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... no strings attached

04.09.2003 // 10:29 am

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sometimes we (meaning "I") forget that there really are people who love us and care about us and really do want what's best for us... no strings attached:

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----- Original Message -----

From: Joi
Date: Wed, 09 Apr 2003 00:51:07 -0400
To: macdiva@email.com
Subject: Your Heart.

Sis, I'm just worried about you. You know I'm all about doing you, what you wanna do, the way you wanna do it. Just PLEASE be careful with your heart. Yeah, you may be able to walk away from it this second and be okay. But think about the way you think and just wonder for a minute how you'll feel in a week...two weeks...a month.

Damn girl! LOL. I wanna cry for you. I wanna shed your tears so, if the time comes, you won't have to cause they'll already be gone. I hope and pray for the best for you. That's all I can do. Nothing I think will change what you're going to do. Like I said, just step back and realize who you are and the way your heart works and do your best to protect it. Because, believe me honey as I'm sure you already know, ain't nobody else gon' do it for you.

Much love and best wishes to a peacefilled soul...

Yo' lil sis.

Joi.

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From: macdiva
Date: Wed, 09 Apr 2003 09:16:57 -0500
To: Joi
Subject: Re: Your Heart.

ok...

how the heck do you manage to make me cry every single time i hear from you? huh? how?! lmao!!! you are such a sweet soul. (a sweet soul that knows her sister all too well)

well... as it stands right now, i don't think i'm going to be having anything to do with him anymore. like i said, i don't have any regrets about what happened on sunday night, but it's not going to happen again, for exactly the reason you stated.

i'm not built for this sorta thing. some folks can take it and some folks can't. i don't think i can. the dynamics of this non-relationship have already begun to shift and while i am extremely adept at keeping up appearances, he knows me well enough to see through my bullshit--- and clearly i can see through his. we're both a couple of control freaks that are completely out of control and neither of us can stand it. so (and u don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure this out) we've both started to pull away already. it hurts , but not in the way i thought it would when it was finally over. i'll survive.

"step back and realize who you are and the way your heart works" <--- i love you to pieces, joi! i really do.

xxoxo... macdiva

P.S. those tears you were talkin about... they came yesterday... it took alot effort at first... i felt like i needed to purge some of the pain or it would all hit me at once and it woulda been too much... but now, they come with ease. it's only been a day, but i think i can consider that progress. it just bugs me out how good i got at stuffing my emotions. (stuffing... hmm... did i mention i haven't been to the gym in a while? whatever.) the point i'm making is this--- i remember a time when the smallest little thing could bring me to tears... all overly sensitive and shit. lol. but since this thing with dc started, in an effort to "protect my heart" , i think i may have hardened it... so much so that i couldn't cry even when i wanted and needed to. that scared me a little bit. but, i'm all good now. ooh, you shoulda seen me this mornin... walkin in the rain ... lookin all sad ... sobbing like my dog just died... it was oh-so-dramatic! girl, you woulda been proud! lmao!!! later, sis <<< hugz >>>

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i hope posting this wasn't a breech of
our confidence or a violation of our relationship.
i just felt really good about it
and wanted to share it
...love rules.

xxoxo...macdiva

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