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... I need dat shit

03.12.2004 // 5:38 pm

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I've finally made the decision to go into therapy. For me, though, it's very important that my therapist be a woman of color. Unfortunately, none of those that have come highly recommended accept my insurance. Therefore, I'm gonna have to drop 150 bones every damn time I go. I am so freakin blown.

Oh... and if you're wondering what brought me to the decision that my issues warrant professional intervention, it has alot to do with what just transpired in my office. Well, not the incident specifically, but my reaction to it. I am so irrational sometimes. I swear...

For the next two weeks, this girl is gonna be workin here... "here" being in the office wit me and Saul. We cool, me and Saul that is. The new chick is ok. I ain't got no real beef wit her... none to really speak of. But, in my office, we tend to jam our music real loud. That's part of why I like it here. Folks wonder how the hell we git any work done, but some how we manage.

So on Monday I come in and there's this broad at one of the computers... cool. She walks past me 3 times without saying anything to me... fine. So I introduce myself... bet. I get myself situated at my desk and all of a sudden, she starts playin Jesus music. Now, I am totally fine with that. My tastes are very diverse. But yo, how you gonna play Jesus music ALL week??? Now, don't git me wrong. I like Jesus. ALOT. I hope to meet him someday. But, not everybody in here is religious like that. Plus there are people in here that aren't even Christian. So me and Africa (this other cool dude that works here) was like, "when she gon switch it up??" Well, apparently homegirl been switched it up ...on the low.

Today, I seen her and Saul sneak out the buildin and go to lunch. (This is the part that makes me feel like I need help.) I'm not feelin Saul at all romantically. That was a phase that ended real quick. Now that just my nicca. We're cool. That's all. But I don't really like the new chick and it bothered the shit outta me that they went out together. I ain't say nuffin, but I mean I was really blown behind that shit.

Anyway, she just went home. So I put my booty base music on and made the comment that me and Africa had been wanting to pump that shit all day, but we couldn't cuz the new chick is saved and we didn't want to offend her. Here go Saul... "She ain't saved. Believe my dog. She ain't saved." Why did that shit make me mad as hell??? I know. I need help. That's why I'm tryin to find a therapist.

Then there's Trini. I called him up. I still can't believe that shit... It get's worse though. I was still givin him the song and dance about not sharing men and having been down this road before and blah blah blah. Clearly I'm full of shit because, next thing I know, we end up in a midnite movie and I end up gettin tossed... yes---in the fuckin movie theater. He been callin, but I'm not accepting his calls. Fucked up? Sure. But, I'm sayin... I AM looking for a therapist.

And since I seem to be on a roll I might as well put it all out there... Me and DC been messin again and yes, my fat ass is plannin a trip to DC specifically to fuck him. He's excited as shit and so am I. A step backwards? No doubt. But... that's why I NEED A GOTDAYUM THERAPIST!!!

Yup... it's official. I need help. I hate that I'm gonna have to pay a grip and a half for it, but I can't front no more. I need dat shit.

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