I can't explain this, so I'm not going to even try. This was supposed to be the convo that cut it all off. The convo that would let me git rid of that last bit of pissed-off-icity I been carryin around, achieve closure and then move the fuck on. Instead, this happened. I am so fucked up yo!
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MD (11:37:33 AM): DC (11:42:48 AM): um.... DC (11:42:51 AM): me? MD (11:42:56 AM): lol MD (11:42:57 AM): sure MD (11:42:59 AM): why not? DC (11:43:10 AM): MD (11:43:22 AM): what's that face for? DC (11:43:38 AM): why not? DC (11:43:39 AM): like DC (11:43:39 AM): yeah DC (11:43:45 AM): lemme passify dis nicca real quick MD (11:43:47 AM): lol DC (11:43:59 AM): o i got my dirty smileys back MD (11:44:00 AM): why you always sellin urself short wit me lately? DC (11:44:18 AM): cuz you know damn well it's all about cali/ny/tx now MD (11:44:22 AM): DC (11:44:25 AM): MD (11:44:29 AM): not funny DC (11:44:45 AM): DC (11:44:55 AM): <~~~~~~~~very good at strikin nerves MD (11:45:12 AM): whatever. MD (11:45:17 AM): MD (11:45:35 AM): cali/ny/tx wasn't who i wanted on saturday night. DC (11:45:44 AM): what happen sat night? MD (11:45:49 AM): nuffin DC (11:45:51 AM): who did you want? MD (11:45:55 AM): i was just in the mood. MD (11:46:00 AM): i wanted you. MD (11:46:04 AM): MD (11:46:06 AM): yo MD (11:46:13 AM): i can't believe i just wrote that! MD (11:46:14 AM): DC (11:46:24 AM): why cant you believe it? MD (11:46:31 AM): cuz MD (11:46:34 AM): that's not like me MD (11:46:37 AM): not no more. DC (11:46:46 AM): MD (11:46:50 AM): damn right MD (11:46:51 AM): DC (11:47:13 AM): so you didnt do nuffin? MD (11:47:18 AM): no DC (11:47:22 AM): dag DC (11:47:26 AM): must not wanted me that bad MD (11:57:26 AM): you know i'm only pretending to be cool with this "just friends" thing ri? MD (11:57:40 AM): figured MD (11:57:46 AM): eventually it would sorta grow on me MD (11:57:49 AM): i'd just MD (11:57:54 AM): fake it til i make it. MD (11:58:02 AM): shyte's taking longer than I thought tho. DC (11:58:40 AM): [MD]: you know i'm only pretending to be cool with this "just friends" thing ri?<~~~~~~huh? MD (11:58:55 AM): me and you and just buddies MD (11:59:02 AM): its takin a while to grow on me MD (11:59:08 AM): i thought i'd be on board MD (11:59:10 AM): 100% by now MD (11:59:16 AM): but its harder than i thought it would be. DC (11:59:24 AM): so what do you want? DC (11:59:31 AM): how do you feel? MD (11:59:53 AM): i felt like i had to adjust to how you wanted things to be. MD (12:00:02 PM): never took the time to figure out what I really wanted. MD (12:01:02 PM): is that you? MD (12:01:47 PM): omfg! MD (12:02:30 PM): okay you know what MD (12:02:40 PM): i'm cursed and that's all there is to that MD (12:02:41 PM): so... MD (12:02:50 PM): i'm gettin some shyte off my chest wit you.... DC (12:02:54 PM): what just happened? MD (12:02:55 PM): and fuckin [Mr.Ex] calls me!! MD (12:02:58 PM): I'm like MD (12:02:59 PM): okay MD (12:03:03 PM): [DC] callin me MD (12:03:09 PM): but the # is blocked so i don't answer MD (12:03:13 PM): i just asked if its you callin MD (12:03:24 PM): you didnt say nuffin so i let it go to voicemail MD (12:03:29 PM): and its that creep! DC (12:04:23 PM): damn DC (12:04:33 PM): xmas time comin DC (12:04:36 PM): he trynna get a gift MD (12:04:44 PM): u know MD (12:05:05 PM): he said his spring line is comin out so he wanna use me for a shoot. MD (12:05:09 PM): like i'd really work for him. MD (12:05:33 PM): can i ask you a question? DC (12:05:51 PM): yup MD (12:06:13 PM): i'm stupid cuz i shoulda taken the time to find this out before hand, but whatever. i just wanted to know how you feel? DC (12:06:39 PM): about? MD (12:06:52 PM): nuffin. nevermind. DC (12:06:59 PM): DC (12:07:04 PM): did she just brush me off? MD (12:07:23 PM): you gotta know this is hard for me. why you makin me spell everything out? MD (12:07:26 PM): DC (12:07:35 PM): um... DC (12:07:40 PM): is that the right face? MD (12:07:41 PM): this conversation never happened. MD (12:07:59 PM): <~~ I meant DC (12:10:03 PM): o DC (12:10:04 PM): DC (12:10:06 PM): i'm like DC (12:10:12 PM): she just gonna be thinkin bout that NOW? DC (12:10:23 PM): we tryin to have a conversation here DC (12:10:29 PM): and she just gonna drift off like that? MD (12:10:48 PM): ri MD (12:10:52 PM): but i'm good MD (12:10:54 PM): nevermind. DC (12:11:33 PM): DC (12:11:35 PM): yeah... DC (12:11:39 PM): definately gettin the brush off MD (12:11:44 PM): lol MD (12:11:54 PM): i'm just embarrased as hell right now MD (12:12:02 PM): so i'd like to kinda MD (12:12:07 PM): not talk about it anymore. DC (12:24:26 PM): why embarrased? MD (12:24:49 PM): i dont know MD (12:24:51 PM): i just feel silly MD (12:24:59 PM): like i shoulda just not said anything. DC (12:25:40 PM): yes i still love you [MD] DC (12:25:43 PM): just had to supress it cuz there is really no way of showin you DC (12:25:46 PM): cant call you like i want DC (12:25:47 PM): cant see you like i want DC (12:25:52 PM): i'm just stuck MD (12:26:27 PM): so then i really shouldn't have said anything DC (12:44:57 PM): i mean it's cool DC (12:45:12 PM): i think what kinda helped me out was you and mr cali/tx/ny DC (12:45:25 PM): got me to realize that you weren't mine DC (12:45:54 PM): and you're "free" to do what ever MD (12:46:02 PM): lol MD (12:46:05 PM): that's funny MD (12:46:16 PM): i know it wasn't meant to be MD (12:46:17 PM): but it is. MD (12:46:51 PM): it took me getting emotionally involved with someone who wasn't mine for you to realize that I wasn't yours? MD (12:47:01 PM): damn. we all fucked up homey. MD (12:47:02 PM): DC (12:47:15 PM): well... DC (12:47:33 PM): it helped me to see that you werent just crazy in love with me and that you were able to move on DC (12:47:49 PM): i mean it aint like i thought your world revolved around me or nuffin DC (12:47:53 PM): well kinda DC (12:47:54 PM): sike DC (12:47:57 PM): but yeah DC (12:48:13 PM): i always felt bad cuz i do feel kinda responsible for how you feel/felt about me DC (12:48:32 PM): and i was able to let some of that go cuz you got involved with someone else MD (12:48:36 PM): you were able to move on <~~ i didn't really have a choice in the matter. MD (12:48:42 PM): ok MD (12:48:51 PM): since we being all honest and up front and shit.... MD (12:48:56 PM): for me... MD (12:48:59 PM): nothing changed... MD (12:49:05 PM): not as far as my feelings for you. MD (12:49:08 PM): i knew in my head MD (12:49:16 PM): that things were going to have to be a certain way. MD (12:49:19 PM): but in my heart MD (12:49:25 PM): my feelings never changed. MD (12:49:31 PM): i love you just as much now as I ever have MD (12:49:39 PM): and it hurts like hell to know that I gotta settle. MD (12:49:44 PM): I settled for Cali that night. MD (12:49:51 PM): i wasn't "lonely" MD (12:49:53 PM): I wanted you MD (12:49:56 PM): and couldn't have you MD (12:49:59 PM): so I called him. MD (12:50:05 PM): I grew to care about him a great deal MD (12:50:12 PM): because he was so open with me MD (12:50:18 PM): and that let me be open with him. MD (12:50:21 PM): that's rare MD (12:50:28 PM): so if i find it i value it, MD (12:50:39 PM): but i knew then MD (12:50:39 PM): and now MD (12:50:44 PM): that what i felt for him MD (12:50:46 PM): and what i feel for you MD (12:50:50 PM): are two very different things. MD (12:50:53 PM): but like you said MD (12:51:00 PM): sometimes you just gotta stifle shyte MD (12:51:09 PM): and play with the hand you're dealt at the time. DC (12:51:48 PM): [MD]: that what i felt for him [MD]: and what i feel for you [MD]: are two very different things. DC (12:51:57 PM): how were they different? DC (12:52:02 PM): xxxxxxxxxx DC (12:52:03 PM): never mind DC (12:52:06 PM): we went over that DC (12:52:11 PM): ok i'm good MD (12:52:12 PM): lol DC (12:52:24 PM): i'm on call this week DC (12:52:28 PM): the freakin holiday MD (12:52:31 PM): i know DC (12:52:32 PM): how the hell did that happen MD (12:52:39 PM): listen MD (12:52:43 PM): i have a meeting MD (12:52:54 PM): actually 2 meetings back to back MD (12:53:06 PM): you'll prolly be gone by the time I get out. MD (12:53:12 PM): talk to you later, k DC (12:53:50 PM): MD (12:54:06 PM): MD (12:54:09 PM):
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React if you want... or can. I'm at a fuckin loss right now.
<~~ I meant
