april 1st to the 15th of 07
04.23.2008 // 10:32 am
Had a lovely non-date with Brown last nite/this morning. We went to Sea for those little fritters I love, spring rolls and manjo mojitos. We had been chatting online most of the day and at 12.30 am he decides he needs to have a pre-date screening. Wtf? Lol. I agree to it. Again, wtf? We meet and decide to chill for a while. He's less confident in person that I thought he would be, but he seems nice... he's a cutie. What's funny is that I was thinkin about Jurmany alot of the time. I
hate him so much. BUUUT, that does mean that Coal no longer occupies that part of my brain. I actually hate dude a lil less today! Wow... that's deep!
Oh.... gave Brown my home number today .... me likeeee!!
I had my 2nd non-date with Brown... We went to see The Reaping and then chilled at FatBblack. How bout, we "canoodled" all night long! Shyte felt so natural though... like we'd been doin it forever... or were supposed to. This strange white girl kept telling us how "in love" we looked. Took our picture. Then she asked about some damn ring! Maybe she was toasted. I dunno. It was funny as hell though. Today we chatted online, in text and on the phone. We both seem to be super surprised by how quickly we are warming up to one another. He asked to see me tonight and I suggested 2 days in a row would be a bit much. He agreed. He'll be in NJ with fam tomorrow and so said "Sunday will probably be the next time I'm able to see you." According to him, he "can't get enough" of me. At this rate I'm inclined to believe him. Truth be told... the feelin's mutual.
He is definitely growing on me in a major way. The proof? Today I deleted 39 txtmsgs I was holding onto between me and Coal!!!! I still have some, but those are just to help with the timeline when I
eventually post about all this shyte. Yyssw... who am I foolin? I ain’t postin no time soon! Lol!
Jurmany has been gone for 6 days and already I am feeling him much less. Am I a bad person? I mean he did leave with a 'tude. The reality is, his affection was the major draw. He's aight otherwise, but now that Brown is in the picture, I can't really say miss him like I thought I would. I want Brown to come to the end of term party with me. I'ma keep him to myself til then though... no sharing in The Hole!! Nosey bytches... June'll be the first any of those heffers hear of him... Just play ya
Damn... I hope I don't fck this one up. :-(
I really should have known it would only be a matter of time before the same mess happened again. At this point, I feel like its me. I am after all the common denominator. Maybe I fckd it up by giving him
“phone” last nite. I dunno. All I know is he was supposed to take me to D&B in LI but at 8.00 I still hadn't heard from him. The reason he gave was very odd. So odd I had to text Coal and ask him about it...
Hypothetically speaking, if u had a new car and didn't know your
own license plate number and then went to where u parked your car and it
wasn't there, how difficult would it be for you to find out if it was
towed or if it was stolen? Do you really need the actual plate number or
could you find out some other way? Wouldn't your insurance company have
your plate number?
He didn't respond at all. Typical.
Then Brown started sayin "oh I hope nobody got tickets under my name. If its that I'm gon fight that shit". He never once mentioned calling the police. He said he went online and paid $60 to some service to find out his plate number and now that dough is wasted. I don't know. It just seems really funny to me. He is supposedly really into me but I really do feel like he lyin. But why? I text him and asked if he was too tired to go. Why not just say yes. If I'm givin you the out then ur free to do
whatever or whoever you want right? I am really, really bent right now.
Okay... spoke to one of my homegirls and we both agree that he is most likely telling the truth. The story is way too complicated and sooo not worth the effort of lying about. I need to open my heart at some point and stop being so cynical. Trust is huuuuuuge and apparently rare.
I just deleted every single text in my phone including the ones from Coal in November and before. Brown really blew me tonight and I started thinking... I really do feel like there is nothing I can do to
change the kind of shyte that happens to me. They are the same just wrapped in different packaging... DC, Coal, Jurmany, Brown... all the same dude… just in different disguises.
Jurmany called from Germany at 11.30 am He still had a tude. He didn't get my messages on txt or aim b/c he can't get service over there. I did not know this. So that means he called on his own. Hmmm... Its actually the second call he's made since the argument. Double hmmm... We talked a little bit and he said he wanted a relationship but expected me to read between the lines. I told him I wanted the same thing, but he never spelled it out so...wtf?? Honestly, I don't even know why I said that shyte. Now he wants to try again when he gets home. Oh brother. This really does complicate things quite a bit. I gotta tell dude about my plans to have cosmetic surgery at some point, but if he wants to come down then I'm screwed b/c Brown was talkin bout coming to the hospital to see me. I don't know. I will probably be alone by the time my date rolls around any damn way. Man. This is not cool. I'll just tell Brown what's up. We got this honesty thing goin and I don't wanna mess that
up. Ultimately, Jurmany is just gon have to settle for a friendship. I hope I'm not makin a mistake...
4.8.07 (r we exclusive now?)
Macdiva: It keeps goin to vmail
Brown: try now
Macdiva: Its ringing
Brown: Brown signed out at 10:24 pm.
Brown: Brown signed in at 10:36 pm.
Macdiva: Bon jour
Macdiva: I went to go get some tylenol cold pills
Brown: oohh okay..let me call u
Brown: home o cell
Macdiva: U can call me at home
Brown: Brown signed out at 11:12 pm.
Brown: Brown signed in at 5:09 am.
Brown: WOW!!!!!!!!!!!>>I WAS HOPING YOU WERE UP!!
Brown: I WUV YOU!!
Macdiva: I was asleep
Brown: You are an agel!!
Brown: WOW..I can't believe you’re up
Macdiva: Call me
Macdiva: I wanna talk to you
Brown: I was just thinkin I wish Macdiva was Up!
Brown: You do?
Macdiva: Yes please
Brown: hold on
Brown: home or cell?
Brown: Brown signed out at 5:21 am.
The conversation that followed sealed the deal. I’m really happy… for now.
Brown: You working tomorrow?
Macdiva: 8 am
Brown: Aww man..are you feeling better?
Macdiva: I am feeling better
Macdiva: My nose is raw from blowing
Macdiva: And I'm still coughing a bit
Macdiva: But I feel less congested.
Macdiva: I should be ok tomorrow I think.
Macdiva: Miss me?
Brown: Drink some Thera-Flu
Macdiva: No way!
Brown: It's really good
Macdiva: I'm more of a pill popping/nasal spraying/hot tea sippin kinda
Macdiva: Not really a fan of
Macdiva: The thera flu
Brown: Okay druggie
Macdiva: So u just gon ig my question huh man?
Brown: what question?
Macdiva: Miss me?
Brown: Of course I do sweetcheeks..
Macdiva: ;-) good answer!
----------------------- 4:27 pm -----------------------
Macdiva: I miss you too
Brown: yea right
Macdiva: I'm gonna be really honest right now though.
Macdiva: I'm serious
Macdiva: I do.
Macdiva: I am trying really hard to sort of live in the moment
Macdiva: Enjoy the ride
Macdiva: All that jazz....
Macdiva: But it still scares me how "into you" I am already.
Macdiva: It NEVER happens like this
Macdiva: Not for me...
Brown: It happens!..I'm that alluring..lol..J/K
Macdiva: sexy Brownie
Brown: It's a matter of the chemistry and connection
Macdiva: I guess
Brown: and we have that!
Macdiva: We definitely have that...
Macdiva: It just feels weird still
Macdiva: I'm curious to see how long it
Macdiva: Will feel this way...
Brown: and then you phone boned me too..WOW..you're nasty!
Macdiva: That did not happen!
Brown: You and I will always feel this way
Macdiva: I don't know what ur talkin about.
Macdiva: Not the connection/chemistry thingee
Macdiva: I mean...
Macdiva: How long am I gonna be afraid of what I feel
Macdiva: Or feel like I should
Macdiva: Be pulling back.
Brown: No need to feel ashamed
Macdiva: I will probably still be working when u get home tonight but
Macdiva: I wanna talk to you later.
Brown: I'm not here to hurt you, I'm here to learn how to love and
appreciate you as a person, friend and hopefully progressed as my lover
Brown: I would love to talk to you
Brown: aiight tonight
Macdiva: I'll call you when I'm finished with my work...
Macdiva: If I don't finish by 11...
Macdiva: I'll just call to hear ur voice and then we can both go to
Brown: No problemo baby
Macdiva: Thank you for understanding.
Brown: Brown signed off at 5:22 pm.
So, on Friday Brown was supposed to bring these important papers over to my house so that I could take a reallyimportant test to complete the certification process as a teacher. The exam was all the way in the city and I still had some last minute cramming I wanted to do. So I’m thinking dude is gon bring ‘em right over after work or at least after he goes home and gets settled… early evening at the earliest. I’d have my paper work and could focus for a few hours before going to bed. We’ll how bout I see this nicca online all gotdayum night and he doesn’t show up to my house until nearly friggin midnight!! I went to the car and saw that he was all dolled up, fresh hair cut, clearly ready to go hang out. I’m not even riffin’ over that mess though. I had the test to take, not him. So I didn’t have a problem with him going out. But come the fck on! You did all that shyte and just had me waitin there for you like an asshole?? I was so disappointed in him. I went to the car, took the papers from him, said, “thank you for bringing these by. I really do appreciate it. Have a good night.” and then walked right back in gotdayum my house. I swear I see him so differently now. He’s not special… and neither am I. I would never have kept him waiting like that. I started to wonder if I was on some old high maintenance bullshit but I’m not. He’s fckd up for that. Period. This was the convo that happened after that shyte went down.
---------------------- 11:24 pm ----------------------
Brown: uumm hello?
Brown: what are you doing?
Brown: You don't even miss me
Macdiva: I was in and out of sleep
Macdiva: I don't feel good
Macdiva: Y u say that?
Brown: You ain't call a brotha
Brown: well you never really call me
Macdiva: I was bout to say
Macdiva: So that's ur reason
Macdiva: ... I didn't do something I don't usually do?
Brown: AHHH SHADDAP
Macdiva: I feel sad
Macdiva: Not sad
Macdiva: Just like
Macdiva: I don't know.
Macdiva: Like... regular.
Macdiva: Before things didn't seem real
Brown: why are you sad?
Macdiva: Now they seem extra real...
Brown: there has to be a reason
Macdiva: Extra regular.
Macdiva: Just got caught up for a minute I guess. Now it’s like
Brown: WHAT THINGS?
Macdiva: Okay. This is just... regular.
Brown: ME and You?
Brown: OOHHH our relationship
Brown: What do you mean
Macdiva: That's just it...
Brown: I'm sorry this has not been a good weekend for me
Brown: You want to hang out
Brown: TELL ME SOMETHING
Brown: YOU NEVER CALL ME
Brown: or even ask me to go out
Brown: I call you more than you call me
Brown: I have to come online or text you
Macdiva: it wasnt/isn't even a relationship
Macdiva: And that mess got under my skin
Macdiva: Way under my skin.
Macdiva: I was sooo angry Brown...
Brown: I have to call you. I don't understand
Macdiva: I don't feel like talking.
Macdiva: It won't help
Macdiva: You'll still be confused.
Brown: You sure
---------------------- 11:34 pm ----------------------
Macdiva: I am.
Brown: Wait a minute
Brown: What is going on here
Brown: What's soo funny
Brown: What is wrong with you?
Macdiva: I guess if I hit send
Macdiva: At the same time as you...
Macdiva: Some of my stuff....
Macdiva: Doesn't show up....
Macdiva: I said there's no point to calling
Macdiva: Stop typin for a second Brown........
Brown: Yo what's going on?
Macdiva: Just wait for the period.
Brown: You want me to leave you alone?
Macdiva: Stop typing!
Macdiva: I said...
Macdiva: There's no point to you calling
Macdiva: It will not help......
Macdiva: U seem confused as I type to you but....
Macdiva: Talking isn't gonna be any less confusing....
Macdiva: I know...
Macdiva: Because I'm confused and I would be the one doing most of the
Macdiva: That's why I typed "lmao "
Macdiva: U can type now.
Brown: What is confusing you?
Macdiva: What happened friday nite bothered me a lot and
Macdiva: It made me start to think about this situation
Brown: Yo I have to call you
Brown: this is killing me
Macdiva: Please just read
Macdiva: Stop typing
Macdiva: Just read
Brown: Just tell me
Macdiva: I don't feel like talking
Macdiva: Just read
Macdiva: There's nothing for me to tell you
Brown: You want to go somewhere so we can talk?
Macdiva: All I'm sayin is
Macdiva: I feel sad.
Brown: I feel like that Trini nicca you was talking to right about now!
Macdiva: That's all
Macdiva: I don't care about him.
Macdiva: I hate him.
Macdiva: I don't hate you.
Macdiva: That's why I'm sad.
Macdiva: I didn't like being mad at you
Brown: Why are you sad?
Macdiva: I don't like the fact that now our "thing" feels
Macdiva: "Regular" to me.
Macdiva: What happened could have
Macdiva: And probably would have happened
Macdiva: At some point
Macdiva: With anybody
Macdiva: But like I said
Macdiva: I guess I got caught up
Macdiva: And wasn't really
Macdiva: Looking at this from a rational perspective....
Macdiva: This just seems....
Macdiva: It didn't feel like that before.
Macdiva: I'm not sayin it wasn’t
Macdiva: All I'm sayin is
Macdiva: It didn't feel like it was.
Brown: Because I touched you it makes it seem regular and average?..
Brown: WHAT IN THE HELL?
Brown: It still feels special to me
---------------------- 11:45 pm ----------------------
Brown: If I didn't touch you would it be different?
Macdiva: Its not about u touching me
Brown: What is making it feel regular?
Brown: I don't understand
Macdiva: Getting blown off on friday.
Brown: I DIDN'T BLOW YOU OFF
Brown: I WAS CAUGHT UP
Brown: MY BARBERSHOP IS CRAZY!
Brown: I GOT HOME AND HAD TO SHOWER
Brown: AND GET READY!
Macdiva: Forget the barber shop
Brown: I GOT OUT THE BARBERSHOP AROUND 10 o’clock
Macdiva: Y r u telling me this?
Brown: I DIDN'T WANT TO BLOW YOU OFF
Brown: You said I blew you off on Friday
Brown: YOU HAD TO TAKE A TEST TODAY
Brown: I couldn't be like hey baby put some clothes on and let's go
Brown: I respected the fact you needed rest
Macdiva: I had no intention of going out.....
Macdiva: I knew we weren't going out....
Macdiva: It was just the fact that....
Brown: I don't know how I blew you off..i kept u updated all night
Macdiva: Knowing that I had a test....
Macdiva: When u see this "........." thats means don't type yet.
Macdiva: U kept me updated until the point you got home
Macdiva: And got online
Macdiva: After that I aint here from you till I asked what was takin so
Macdiva: And when u told me bout havin to put ur trousers on
Macdiva: It was still a mad long time before u actually left the house.
Macdiva: I just felt like........
Macdiva: I asked this favor and he came through for me so I don't want to
Macdiva: But at the same time, I'm tired. I still wanna study....
Macdiva: I can't go to bed til he gets here....
Macdiva: It just made me real angry.....
Macdiva: The reason I'm sad is because....
Macdiva: Some mess like that could have happened with any other dude and
Macdiva: It would've annoyed the fck outta me....
Macdiva: But I got really freakin angry Brown....
Macdiva: Really angry....
Macdiva: So now when I think about it
Macdiva: Its like...
Macdiva: U just started dealin with this dude....
Macdiva: Why would you expect him not to do x-y-z for you?
Macdiva: I don't really have a reason....
---------------------- 11:55 pm ----------------------
Macdiva: I just know I feel sad now.
Brown: WOW...I didn't know you were that upset
Brown: I apologize
Brown: But I wasn't playin online
Macdiva: Its okay.
Brown: I actually wasn't really online I had to get my clothes
together and bathe
Macdiva: It doesn't matter now.
Brown: Well..I guess if you feel like it's regular nothing I can do
Brown: It's really puzzling
Brown: And now it kind of bothers me
Macdiva: Tell me more
Macdiva: Tell me why it bothers you.
Brown: Nothing more to really say..If it feels regular we're both not
on the same wavelength anymore..Which isn't good..I still feel how I
initially feel and you don't which equals awkwardness..I don't know how
I feel about this
Macdiva: I understand what ur saying....
Macdiva: I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing though.....
Brown: Not feeling good right now
Macdiva: I mean I never was entirely comfortable with....
Macdiva: How "perfect" things seemed
Macdiva: And I guess I was.....
Macdiva: Just kinda waiting for something to happen....
Brown: what?..So what things were going great
Macdiva: To bring me back down to earth.
Brown: I Printed something out for you it's not like i didn't want to
do this for you?
Macdiva: I know
Macdiva: I never said that u didn't want to help me
Macdiva: U did help me
Macdiva: And I thanked u several times.
Macdiva: I'm not making any value judgments....
Macdiva: All I'm sharing with you right now....
Macdiva: Is what I'm feeling.
Brown: My timing was horrible do to something I had no control of..If
I had my car I would have left and went to give you the papers if you
needed it that bad
Macdiva: Ur missing it baby
Macdiva: Its not about what happened.
Brown: Okay cool..I get it
Brown: Your just off of Cloud 9
Macdiva: What happened could have happened to anybody..
Brown: Back on Earth
Macdiva: That's what I'm saying.
Brown: Cool..got it
Macdiva: It just makes me sad to know that though....
Macdiva: I liked it.
---------------------- 12:05 am ----------------------
Macdiva: I think we may have moved a little too fast
Macdiva: And that's why it was so easy for me
Macdiva: To let myself get wrapped up in you/us
Macdiva: The way that I did.
Brown: We moved fast by Kissing and hanging out???
Macdiva: No. Listen to me….
Brown: Okay I'm going to not call you as much..
Macdiva: I mean that was the confusing part...
Brown: Cut the Brownie stuff out
Brown: I'm just Brown from now on
Macdiva: We only went out a couple times
Macdiva: Didn't kiss at all the first time...
Macdiva: I'm not really sure what happened really...
Macdiva: Now that I think about it.
Macdiva: I don't know...
Brown: Yo this is not funny
Macdiva: Maybe I'm just tired.
Brown: I just feel like chemistry is chemistry
Brown: Can't fight it
Brown: But I guess I'm wrong
Macdiva: Wrong in what way?
Brown: One minute you're telling me I don't know what kind of ride I'm
on but I like it and I'm just going to ride it out..NEXT thing I moved
too fast and your sad because everything is just regular to you now
because I delivered something for you absolutely late
Brown: Very confusing
Brown: I don't know man
Macdiva: Should I have not told you what I was/am feeling?
Brown: This is bothering me..You should tell me
Macdiva: Okay. But if I do.....
Brown: It's okay I understand
Brown: I just want you to see it on my end
Macdiva: I don't want you to look at it as if I'm punishing you....
Macdiva: I see it from your end....
Macdiva: I just felt like getting this outta me....
Brown: Cool gotcha ya
Macdiva: If I was still blogging I might have just written about it and u
never would have known how I felt about things.
Macdiva: I wanna share it with you because
Brown: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT
Macdiva: I feel like we're friends
Brown: GO AHEAD SHARE
Macdiva: And its okay for me to be honest with you
Macdiva: No matter what.
Macdiva: So if something is buggin me
Brown: It's absolutely cool
Macdiva: As far as the romantic situation I wanna bring it to u...
Macdiva: If I sit wit it...
Macdiva: It only gets worse.
---------------------- 12:15 am ----------------------
Macdiva: I know it might not make sense....
Brown: Tell me me being late bugged you but when you tell me feelings
have changed..it kind of alarms me..sorry just the way I am..because my
feelings haven't changed..I guess I have to wait for you to fuck up
Macdiva: I will...
Macdiva: Trust me.
Brown: I still can't laugh..
Brown: YOU SUCK!
Macdiva: Can u at least smile?
Brown: GET OVER IT
Brown: I DIDN"T MEAN TO HURT YOU!
Brown: I'm still the same
Brown: YOU SUCK DUDE
Macdiva: Y r u yelling! Damn psycho!
Brown: I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING A BIG FUCK YOU!!..YOU'RE STUPIDY! but
I'll just say it in my mind you're entitled to your feelings..but don't
fuck up and don't be late for shit we do!
Macdiva: I didn't mean to freak u out. I just feel like its always a good
Macdiva: Lay things out so there's no miscommunication.
Brown: Lord knows you're under the freaking Brown Microscope now
Macdiva: Speakin of which.......
Macdiva: Jurmany called from Germany today...
Brown: oohh your boyfriend
Macdiva: Apparently lack of communication was the reason behind his
little melt down when he found out I was dating other people....
Macdiva: I tried to explain that in the absence of a conversation about
Macdiva: I had no reason to think he wasn't dating also....
Macdiva: Where I fcked up was in not explicitly asking him
Macdiva: The way i
Macdiva: Did with you.....
Macdiva: We'll he apologized.....
Macdiva: And the conversation actually went pretty well ...
Macdiva: A bit strained but MUCH better than the last one.
Macdiva: I still have issues with quite a
Brown: Jurmany came back around
Brown: Maybe he had something to do with this conversation hmmmmmmm?
Macdiva: Few things he's said/done but I know I'm gonna have to take baby
steps with him.....
Macdiva: I can't talk to him the way I talk to you....
Macdiva: He shuts down really easily....
Macdiva: So freakin fragile. :-(
Macdiva: He wants to try and be friends....
Macdiva: I have a week to try and imagine what that would look like
Macdiva: I haven't told him how I feel about you...
---------------------- 12:25 am ----------------------
Macdiva: But he did ask HOW ARE THINGS WITH YOU AND YOUR DUDE?!
Macdiva: Just a lil upset bout it I think....
Macdiva: Ok well.
Macdiva: I wanna ask you though....
Macdiva: Knowing that he was into me
Macdiva: And now I guess I'm the one on the receiving end of
Macdiva: This "Now this is just regular" vibe....
Macdiva: Would a friendship between him and me make you uncomfortable at
Brown: I think i should leave you and Jurmany alone
Macdiva: Shut up!
Macdiva: I'm serious....
Macdiva: I like him a lot...
Macdiva: He's a very cool person...
Brown: I can see
Macdiva: Him flyin off the handle though...
Macdiva: Not cool.
Macdiva: But I feel like...
Macdiva: We could have a cool platonic friendship after the conversation
we had today....
Macdiva: And the fact that he lives upstate makes me feel like....
Macdiva: It would be okay....
Macdiva: But I want to know how you feel....
Macdiva: No jokes either....
Macdiva: Tell me.
---------------------- 12:32 am ----------------------
Brown: I feel a lil disturbed because your feelings seem a lil strong
for him..I don't know if it'll ever really just be platonic..He likes you
and you like him..If he fixes his ways ..seems as if things can quickly
change from platonic to romantic..So It's kind of like skating on thin
ice..I'm cool with it but I will also always watch this friendship with
a third eye
Brown: I'm cool with it
Brown: I know you like me
Macdiva: okay... let me tell what I love about you....
Macdiva: You are so unsure about where we stand right now...
Macdiva: You don't need to be but you are....
Macdiva: I tell you I want to build a friendship with a guy we both
Macdiva: Would much rather have a relationship....
Macdiva: And yet you tell me....
Macdiva: "I'm cool with it.... I know you like me."
Macdiva: That says sooo much about you!
Macdiva: I promise to tell you every single thing
Macdiva: And if there's ever anything you want to know
Macdiva: You can always ask
Macdiva: And I'll answer you
Macdiva: This conversation doesn't feel "regular"!
Macdiva: You are special...
Macdiva: You're always gonna be special...
Macdiva: Even on the days u make me wanna knock u out.
Brown: I KEEP ON FUCKING TELLING YOU THAT!!
Brown: This regular shit is getting me sick
Brown: SAY your mad but please don't label our shit regular!
Macdiva: Lets ban the word "regular"
Brown: Tell me your mad
Brown: Tell me your angry
Brown: Tell me I get on your nerves
Brown: Tell me I freaking hurt your feelings
Brown: But please don't label the chemistry we have as regular
Macdiva: our shyte is extra special.
Macdiva: No matter what
Brown: I would never (I mean it) say it is regular..You can get that
feeling when you are annoyed but..I'm here man and i don't want to just
feel regular..You might get on my nerves and make me feel like it might
seem regular but it'll never be because if we speak and meet each other
and embrace on our feelings then my feelings will come back to as if i was floating on
Cloud 9 and that's BECAUSE you're a great person that I have a special
---------------------- 12:43 am ----------------------
Macdiva: I understand what ur saying.
---------------------- 12:45 am ----------------------
Brown: You sure
Brown: Damn BIG HEAD
Brown: All this stuff to tell me you're mad
Macdiva: U dragged it out of me...
Macdiva: I said I was sleepy
Macdiva: And I was sad....
Macdiva: U the one wantin to get all dr.phil on me!
Brown: Stop feeling sad..I didn't mean to hurt you
Brown: Punch me next time
Brown: TELL ME
Macdiva: U know what I just realized
Macdiva: I'm up typing to you at 12.48
Macdiva: That means
Macdiva: We cpulda went out anyway
Macdiva: And just came home early.
Macdiva: I'm hungry
Macdiva: I didn't eat today
Brown: wow your buggin
Macdiva: I was nervous about my test this morning
Macdiva: And then I came home and was sad about
Macdiva: Friday so I just kept falling asleep
Macdiva: And wakin up
Macdiva: And falling asleep again.
Brown: WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME
Brown: We could have talked about this
Brown: Wouldn't have you sad all evening
Macdiva: I have more than a few residual issues from my former self...
Macdiva: One of which is...
Macdiva: No matter how much people say they like me...
Macdiva: I always feel like...
Macdiva: Unless they seek me out...
Macdiva: I won't know for sure. If I call them....
Macdiva: I'll prolly just annoy them.
Macdiva: So I never call anybody....
Macdiva: My female friends complain too...
Macdiva: I'm just really bad with that.
Brown: YOU BETTER START CALLING ME
Brown: I CALL YOU TOO DAMN MUCH
Macdiva: I'll try and call more often baby.
Macdiva: I promise
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