.

.

Jan. 15th to Jan. 22nd of 08

11.29.2008 // 5:15 pm

=========================================================

1.15.08
Coal has officially lost his mind. I absolutely refused to spend the night with him last night so he comes up to me at the job today and tells me he's "changed" and that we "need to talk". Without going into detail, I'll say the conversation will somehow involve me having his baby. Um... yeah... he's totally lost it. ROTFLMMFAO!!!!!

I gave in and called TJ last nite at his second job. He was off duty. Called the cell and left a voicemail. No callback. Not really sure what's up with that but... um... okay. Not much else to say. Lol! How do I vascillate so wildly between obsession and apathy? It's moments like these that really do make me feel like I could benefit from some sort of medication. Hmmm....

1.18.08 7:25 pm
TJ finally called. I sent it to vm. He didn't leave a msg. Why bother calling at this point? I just don't get it.

Coal's been beatin' this "we need to talk" shit into the ground since he brought it up. So against my better judgement, and yet mildly predictably, I agree. The plan was to meet up and talk when he got off work at 9:00 tonight. Well... it's now 10:46 and he has yet to call. And... well... I'm now annoyed. Yes. After managing to completely dismiss him and anything he has to say, I am sitting here fckn annoyed because he has done exactly what he always does. But you know what? That's my fault. I can't even flame his ass right now. I fell for the fckn okeydoke... again. Damn.

1.19.09
I spoke to TJ from 10:00 am til 4:00 pm. I started to not answer the phone when he called, but I figured in the interest of shedding my passive-aggressive nature, I would answer and just see what happens...

Well, I was in the post office when he decided to call and say to me, "Mac can I ask you a question?"

I say, "Sure"

He goes, "I know you said you're not looking for a relationship and I said I wasn't looking for a relationship either, but... I mean... you are a very attractive lady. And... well... Can you even see yourself with somebody like me... like... my age? 'Cuz if not then I don't wanna start likin you... I mean I already like you... a lot... but I mean. I don't wanna try with you if I don't even have a shot or if its not gonna go further."

I was grinning so hard at this point I know the old people at the post office prolly all thought I was crazy. Not talking. Just cheezin' like a damn idiot. Lol!!

I told him that his age wasn't an issue and with that the slate was wiped clean. We started running our mouths and didn't stop until 6 hours later!

Okay... here comes the bipolar bullshit... now I'm happy again. Yesterday Coal had me annoyed and now I don't even care about what he did!

1.20.08
TJ called to say hi. Only one bar left on his phone but he just wanted to check in. Aawww.... dats so speshew!!! LMAO!!!

1.22.08
Coal came in and neither one of us said anything about Friday. Granted, I jetted as soon as I got off work, but even if I didn't, we wouldn't have talked about it. I don't care and he's too corny to bring it up, so there you have it.

I'm gon call TJ tonight. That's a pretty big deal for me cuz I really don't make calls like that. I'm pretty sure its a defense mechanism. I used to not call cuz guys are all about "the chase" or so I've heard. But at this point I think its less about playin the game and more about fear of rejection. I dunno. I'm gonna have to take a chance at some point.

~